When a Role Feels Like a Relationship
An emerging observation about role, identity and belonging.
This Note draws on conversations with Paula Rincón, family enterprise advisor at Lansberg Gersick Advisors, and Wendy Sage-Hayward, of The Family Business Consulting Group, in dialogue with Ferran Fisas, Liliana Carbone, Daniela Maytorena, Cristina Carvajal and Guillermo Salazar.
Paula Rincón has heard the same sentence often enough that she eventually wrote about it publicly.
“Prefiero tener un papá a tener un jefe.”
(I'd rather have a father than a boss.)
It rarely appears in exactly those words. But variations of it surface again and again whenever a family begins talking about succession.
Wendy Sage-Hayward, working with families on a different side of the same threshold, names something that rhymes with that fear without repeating it.
“When you exit the business or ownership, it feels like you're exiting the family.”
Wendy Sage-Hayward, The Family Business Consulting Group (FBCG)
One fear sits at the edge of entering. The other sits at the edge of leaving. Different families, different moments, but the same question underneath both: does the relationship survive the role changing shape?
The transition itself rarely appears to be the hardest part. What repeatedly emerges instead is the possibility that changing roles might also change where someone belongs.
Neither the pattern Paula names nor the one Wendy describes is really about the mechanics of a handover, a title or a reporting line. Beneath both lies the same concern: that the relationship itself may not survive the role changing shape.
Ferran Fisas describes a pattern he sees often enough that he built a specific exercise around it: founders whose success has become so mythologized that the next generation can't imagine matching it.
“Normalmente yo organizo sesiones donde el líder, el rey Midas, explica todos sus fracasos.”
(I usually organise sessions where the leader, the King Midas, explains all his failures.)
Ferran Fisas, Second-Generation Owner, La Farga · Partner, Exaudi Family Business Consulting
By making the founder narrate failure instead of success, something shifts in the room. The next generation no longer has to relate to a myth. They can begin relating to a person instead.
Presence
Liliana Carbone uses an image to describe something she sees often: a role handed to someone without anyone first checking whether it actually fit them.
“Te dieron guayos, camiseta y balón... pero resulta que te tocaba jugar básquet.”
(They gave you boots, a jersey and a ball... but it turned out you were supposed to play basketball.)
Liliana Carbone, G2 Owner and Family Advisor, Founder of Fybra
The equipment was real. The preparation was real. It simply prepared someone for a game they were never going to play.
Love
Reflecting on the pressure a next generation carries before they've done anything at all, Daniela Maytorena names something that rarely gets called by its real name.
“Se sienten observados.”
(They feel watched.)
Daniela Maytorena, Family Enterprise Advisor
Performance stops feeling like something someone does. It begins to feel like evidence of who they are.
Safety
Reflecting on the family members who quickly get labelled as “red flags,” Cristina Carvajal names what's usually underneath a reaction that looks like resistance.
“Esas banderitas rojas tienen un porcentaje de razón. El otro porcentaje son las corazas que construyeron sobre eso.”
(Those red flags carry a percentage of truth. The other percentage is the armor they built on top of it.)
Cristina Carvajal, G4 Owner and Advisor
Hesitation, an unexplained no, resistance to stepping into or out of a role, often carries real information, not just defensiveness. Somewhere underneath it, something worth protecting usually exists.
System Rhythm
Ferran Fisas describes what he considers the real core of his own work as an advisor: helping someone set down an identity they inherited rather than chose.
“Tienes que aprender a agarrar tu mochila, dejar en el piso y decir: yo no voy a vivir los sueños de papá, yo voy a los míos.”
(You have to learn to pick up your backpack, set it on the ground, and say: I'm not going to live my father's dreams, I'm going to live my own.)
Ferran Fisas, Second-Generation Owner, La Farga · Partner, Exaudi Family Business Consulting
He calls it a backpack, handed over early, carried for years without anyone questioning its weight. Separating from it isn't one decision made once. It's a motion repeated, until what belongs to someone else no longer has to be carried as one's own.
System Orientation
Paula Rincón described this as the question she asks herself constantly while sitting in a room with a family.
“¿Con qué sombrero me está hablando?”
(Which hat is speaking to me right now?)
Paula Rincón, Family Enterprise Advisor, Lansberg Gersick Advisors (LGA)
Is this person speaking as a daughter right now, or as a shareholder? As a father, or as the president of the board?
Ferran widens the same lens, from inside a team rather than a single conversation.
“En esa organización, por supuesto que hay un delantero que marca goles, pero también hay un portero, hay defensas, hay entrenadores, masajistas, están todos, están todos ahí y no se puede ganar el partido sin todos.”
(In that organisation, of course there's a striker who scores goals, but there's also a goalkeeper, defenders, coaches, massage therapists, everyone is there, and you can't win the match without all of them.)
Ferran Fisas, Second-Generation Owner, La Farga · Partner, Exaudi Family Business Consulting
One image speaks about hats. The other speaks about positions on a team. Both invite the same discipline: recognising who is speaking, and from where.
What allows a family to recognise the same person when their role has changed?
System Co-regulation
Guillermo Salazar, reflecting on what actually makes governance hold over time, names something quieter than structure.
“Liderar no es mandar. Liderar es administrar y marcar un rumbo. Y eso es un servicio más que un privilegio.”
(Leading isn't commanding. Leading is managing and setting a direction. And that's more a service than a privilege.)
Guillermo Salazar, Founder, Exaudi Family Business Consulting
Authority treated as something claimed tends to need defending. Authority offered in service of a direction doesn't, which leaves more room for the person underneath the role to stay visible.
What allows a person to change place without feeling they've changed their place in the family?
About the Observatory
The PAS Family Enterprise Observatory explores the human dynamics that enable or prevent continuity across generations in family enterprise systems. Through conversations with owners, advisors, NextGen members and researchers, the Observatory investigates the human capacities and relational dynamics that governance structures alone cannot fully address.
What human dynamics enable or prevent continuity across generations in family enterprises?
Natalia Cacciari Garavito